ooom, i read the first little section, and its sounded gooood!
one thing..."....Tall dark and handsome, confident, everything I’m not?’ how could she refuse." needs a question mark
haha! :D funny- "and he came over with this sample of blood and almost ruined my pumps. I cried so much, my makeup sort of ran and the guy skedaddled away screaming. Or in pain. I kind of ran over his foot with my car. Anyway, I miss those shoes.”
these are all just mistakes that you didnt catch, i know...but- "Yet, there was less than a month less, and she would be glad to be home." you meant to say "less than a month left"
noooo!! not nick, whoever that is! it must be doug/parvati!
"This was going to be fun, like dressing a Ken doll, only with actual genitals." HAHA!
"differences between American and England" you mean "American"
AND NOOOOO! NOW THEY ARE KISSING!!! but its okay...d-r-a-m-a always makes for a good fanfic :D
“It’s not your fault. At all. I mean, you didn’t expect me home and you didn’t expect anything to happen. Also, for you time here, me casa es su casa. Or something. I only speak Elvish. Ah, why did I say that?” HAHA! awww, i like his character :DDDD
"There wasn’t a spark, there wasn’t that connection. He was a fling; he was fun and entertaining, yet forgettable." yay :D
"She’d ask him what was wrong and he’d mumble something about being declined for a fanclub for those fluent in Elvish," :DDDDDDDD
They pulled up to the station. As Doug pulled the key from the ignition, Padma leaned over slightly and pulled his face to hers…
And promptly almost missed her Portkey.
thats great :D i love that part
awwww i reeeeeally love this story, sarah! it was sooo good
i didnt read your comments so i dont know if someone already offered to be your beta, but i will help you with it, if you want *nod*
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Date: 2007-03-24 12:42 am (UTC)ooom, i read the first little section, and its sounded gooood!
one thing..."....Tall dark and handsome, confident, everything I’m not?’ how could she refuse." needs a question mark
haha! :D funny-
"and he came over with this sample of blood and almost ruined my pumps. I cried so much, my makeup sort of ran and the guy skedaddled away screaming. Or in pain. I kind of ran over his foot with my car. Anyway, I miss those shoes.”
these are all just mistakes that you didnt catch, i know...but- "Yet, there was less than a month less, and she would be glad to be home."
you meant to say "less than a month left"
noooo!! not nick, whoever that is! it must be doug/parvati!
"This was going to be fun, like dressing a Ken doll, only with actual genitals." HAHA!
"differences between American and England" you mean "American"
AND NOOOOO! NOW THEY ARE KISSING!!! but its okay...d-r-a-m-a always makes for a good fanfic :D
“It’s not your fault. At all. I mean, you didn’t expect me home and you didn’t expect anything to happen. Also, for you time here, me casa es su casa. Or something. I only speak Elvish. Ah, why did I say that?”
HAHA! awww, i like his character :DDDD
"There wasn’t a spark, there wasn’t that connection. He was a fling; he was fun and entertaining, yet forgettable."
yay :D
"She’d ask him what was wrong and he’d mumble something about being declined for a fanclub for those fluent in Elvish," :DDDDDDDD
They pulled up to the station. As Doug pulled the key from the ignition, Padma leaned over slightly and pulled his face to hers…
And promptly almost missed her Portkey.
thats great :D i love that part
awwww i reeeeeally love this story, sarah! it was sooo good
i didnt read your comments so i dont know if someone already offered to be your beta, but i will help you with it, if you want *nod*